Monday, November 9, 2009

* The Fight is Over

Silence was finally broken last Sunday, I was shocked that she sent me a PM at ym asking me if I am busy. I can still recall last week that I left her a PM at ym as well asking if she's ignoring me because it really do confuse me. She apologize and told me that she's doing it on purpose for my benefit..for me to move on and forget her completely. First of all it didn't benefit me at all because instead of moving forward it just made me clueless with what's happening. I'm the type of person who doesn't give up and fight even if there's a little hope so even with what happened last September 30, 2009 (in my previous blog) I can still say that I am still hoping and I know it's not too late to give up and fix things up, 8 years and 4 months is 8 years and 4 months and the countless smiles and happiness shouldn't be thrown away just like that. You said it all started or changes happened when you saw me and Monique together and I know it's me who broke the rules when we broke up and we just need time. Yes someone came along to me and so to you. I tried to date someone but I realize that it's really you that I wanted to be with but realization is already late because your already in love with someone else. I didn't give up eventhough you already like someone else cause I know the feeling is still there but for this time I can say that this is the end of the line for me and I need to stop and give up. I can't see any hopes anymore and I asked her she wants me to forget her completely and she said "I'm sorry" which is for me is a yes. For last month I have noticed that our photos in her facebook account was already deleted and it hurts but during that time I didn't lose hope. But this time it was different, I got the answer to the question that I wanted to ask because that answer would tell me stop hoping anymore. Sabi mo hanggang kayang ayusin aayusin and I know kaya naman it's just you are just scared that it would happen again. Now the bleeding has stop but the wound is still there, a friend say we do learn from our greatest defeats and this is the greatest defeat for me so far. I do feel down and I can say I really don't know how to handle this and for the first time I thought of doing suicide to stop the pain that I'm feeling. I can't accept that it could be thrown away that easily. I was hurt by the broken promises, now that I can call lies. Being replaced as a bestfriend, not being treated as a normal friend and now you are gone forever. How I envy my friend Edd because now he is the new bestfriend and next is because he was given another chance by her gf after all that happened and now they are better than before and I thought it could also happen for us but it's not. But of course not all people are the same and it should be accepted. Right now I'm lost and I don't know what to do but I'm still trying to be calm and still be a good example to the people that I helped or given an advise, I know I can get through this, I just have to be strong and don't do anything stupid.I told myself this would be the last time I would shed tears and be hurt. It's funny because I don't cry and I can tolerate physical pain but when it comes to us..mahirap talaga and I can't help it.

Recently I just knew that she did contacted someone that I can say really made me feel mad, after knowing all the things Donna said to her made me feel angry. First and foremost you don't have to find someone who would take care of me once your gone, you don't know what you just did. Now she's thinking that I'm trying to get back to her when I tried to add her at facebook but only as a friend and now she thinks I'm looking for her which is really not true, like you she also told me that she would forgive me for everything once you and I are not together anymore. You told her what she has to do for our relationship to work which is the dumbest thing that you have done and now I can say I'm really mad at you. It's not your responsibility to look for someone who would take care of me, I'm not your puppy na hahanapan mo ng amo kasi ayaw mo na akong alagaan and you stopped caring. It's better na iligaw mo na lang ako, well anyways my anger at you doesn't matter anymore kasi you don't care. I'm not looking for new love or for a new relationship. Now I'm trying to forget things . The last happy memory of you that I can remember is you waving and smiling at me nung nakasakay ka sa bus on your way to work when we met at the gym and our last dinner together at Mexicali's at SM Megamall.

This would be my final entry for this blog because there is no reason for me to continue this, blogging let me recall all of the memories that happened in the past 8 years or longer and right now remembering them wouldn't help me ease the pain but instead it would hurt me more. As much as I want to delete all of it in my head, I can't because it's already tattoed in my mind. I hate it when I see something that would remind me of the good old times the restaurants, the movies, the songs and more that brings back memories. I'm a person who do remember alot of things specially the special ones. Another stupid thing that I thought is how could I get amnesia for me to forget everything and stop the pain but I know it's not right. Well Thanks for friends and for those who take a little of their time reading this blog. This would be the last one and I hope in some ways you have learned with my story that regrets is always in the end. It really felt good to be loved and it's very painful when it's over. We thought we had a perfect relationship and we are strong enough but if one doesn't want to continue anymore it only means it's the end. It was a long journey, growing up together and guiding each other, accepting each others mistakes and bad habits. A lot has been learned and now it's hard to treasure those memories cause it's not happy anymore seeing them. It's really sad that it's a sad ending but it's God's will. Embrace and love your loved one or partner and make them feel special. Now I'm letting go in the burning bridge where I am hanging right now and start over to climb again from the ground and alone. Thank you for reading :)

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

* Senior Days and Summer 2001

It was JS Prom (senior days) and I haven't asked someone to dance, first reason is I'm shy and I'm not a good dancer. I went to the DJ Booth and requested the song "Till I Found You" and from the moment I heard the song I asked Donna to dance with me. She was my 1st and last dance during the seniors prom and that was memorable. After a week or two then came her 16th birthday, we went to her place to celebrate. Our HS classmate are there to eat and to celebrate. Before I left the party we talked and that was one of the happiest moment in my life when it's was officially us as boyfriend and girlfriend. I was so happy I rolled over the streets (seriously) and me and my guy friends drink and celebrate.

It was a tough especially for our first month together we always do have alot of misunderstandings but as time goes by we became better. I can still remember our secret meeting place in the street near the creek. I was introduced by her to her parents during graduation and I was very very nervous during that time.

During the summer I always go to her place with my bike, we and our high school classmates would also hang out always at a friends house at Filinvest. I can recall we had a summer outing at Quezon and my Mom joined us. It was really sad because high school days are over and we will be studying in different Universities. High school days is really different and it was really memorable.

This would probably the second to the last blog that I would post here and won't continue my updates anymore as much as I want too. Blogging for me is remembering the past and for now it's the opposite that I wanted to do which is to erase all of them.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

* Remembering October 2008

with Grimace and Hamburglar

me, Donna and AJ (dog)

Last year of October was really fun for us, we went to Baguio during my 24th Birthday then the next day we went to attend the Cosplay event at SM Megamall then FHM Event at Robinson's Galeria phew those were really pushing the limits moments.

Donna and Alodia

I can recall that it was the days that I started to lift weights and since I was not used to it I got hospitalized before the month ends. It was when I woke up around 2pm and it felt cold and my stomach really hurts like hell. Donna went to our house because we do have a basketball game that time at Metropolis Alabang (now Starmall) and she saw me in pain. I admit I was really a scaredy cat when it comes to going to the hospital, I am scared of needles and blood but the pain was really not tolerable so I asked my mom to bring me to the hospital. I remember I was shaking and when we got there (My Aunt) who is one of the Doctors told my mom that I should stay in the hospital (crap) and they it was the first time that a dextrose was put on my me and I was so scared but I was happy Donna is at my side and hold my other hand. It was my first time to be admitted in the hospital for 5 days and all day I was just watching the TV and playing games in my PSP.

my 1st time to be hospitalized

I can't eat yummy foods like my friends (Iza, Edd and Mark C.) bought that time which is Pizza. I ate a slice and damn my tummy hurts after a minute or two. Donna was always there for me, when my Mom can't stay with me, she is the one who stays with, She would go straight to the hospital after her work or sometimes she would drop by before she go to work and I can say I was really touch and I appreciate those things that she have done to me. Thank You so much and I know thank you is not enough.